Smoke & Mirrors

It's been a long time, I know. Well, all is well and even more good times have arrived. For once in a long time I can honestly say that I am happy with where my life has gone. Financially everything is fine. I paid off my small bills and only have my larger payments and continuous bills. Doing great in school and have come to know that scheduling one's self is very important, even for the minor things in life. I've come to rely on this schedule which I set for myself. Something for which I am accountable.

The list? Yes, I still remember the list and I'm well on my way to crossing things off that list. How wonderful it feels to be able to take a pen and cross out something!

Throughout these past months I've done some soul searching for what I want in life. For far too long I've used smoke and mirrors to show the world and myself that I was fine; when I really wasn't. I suppose the more I repeated 'I was fine' I would convince others and myself I was. Like if I wished it and hoped for it, it would come to pass. Sadly, it didn't work out that way. But what did happen and what I found; is that I changed how I interacted with myself and the world around me. And by-golly! Things changed! How crazy is that! (Yes, said with sarcasm. :-P)

A real good friend, Joe, helped me realize that if I allow others and myself to talk down about me, then I would start to believe that I am not 'worth' it. Be it a loving bf to love me and care for me, a friend to really share one's hopes & dreams and fears, a cousin, an uncle, a son, and even a citizen. I'm responsible for my own happiness and shouldn't depend on someone else to make me happy.

It has been a rough ride but I don't regret the trip at all. I've grown and I am happy with the results. And love? Well, that's a story for another time. ;-)

Until then, may you all enjoy the blessing you've been given, another day to change and another chance to do what shoulda been done yesterday.

Take care,

-Eric