To begin, I am a cashier at Wal-Mart. This is my second job (part-time) and let me tell you, as easy as it looks, it isn't! The store in which I work, seems to be the busiest one! We live in a tourist area so there are a lot of tourists who visit our store. Some are cool, they make conversation and all in all make it a pleasant working experience.
However, there are those who, for whatever reason, seem to think we are their personal SLAVES! Oh, no honey, this bitch don't play that game. For example, one guy put his stuff down and the conveyor belt was on so it was bringing his items to the cash register. Well, I was helping a lady load her bags into her cart, and the guy sees that the conveyor belt keeps moving and the gentlemen behind him puts his stuff and and pushes his items further. Well, the items bunch up and keep "rolling" in the same area. Just as I get back to the register, one of his PLASTIC toys falls off the conveyor belt. He looks at it, then back up at me, then back down at it. Mind you, I am on the other side of the register. I say that I am sorry, and ask if these are all the items he wishes to purchase, well, I scan the two he has, then he continues to look down at the one on the floor then back up at me. I look at him and say "Is this all?" He picks up the item on the floor and says "I don't want that one, YOU made it fall. It probably doesn't work now." *Raised Eyebrow* "Oh, I'm sorry sir. Would you like to get another." *blank stare back at me* "Ummm, yeah . . ." *We both staring at the other to make a move* "Well, I can just hold this one and wait until you get back." "No, I just want a new one." *Raised eyebrow* "Well, let me call my CSM (My supervisor)." I punch in the code and we just wait, and wait, and wait. He stares at me then says "Well, it's probably still good. Let me just have that one." *PULLS OUT HAIR* "Okay, sir, no problem." "Here's your change and your recpeit. Have a nice day." So, the next guy behind him says "What a dick! He seen that toy about to fall but doesn't do anything. Just watches it fall. I was gonna pick it up, but he was being an asshole to you, so I didn't." "Thank you. I'm glad I wasn't the only one who thought he was rude."
This is just one case that has happened to me. There are countless others, some worse, some not so much.
So, to bring this venting to an end, let me just say, that when you are in line, waiting, and waiting, please understand that YOU get to leave the line while we cashiers still have to stay and deal with Kings & Queens of the store.
Wear a smile and you'll get a smile back (Okay, true, some cashiers are just plain BITCHES).
Merry Christmas and a Prosperous New Year!
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
Thursday, December 18, 2008
Melancholy & The Infinite Sadness
"It's comin' on Christmas and they're cuttin' down trees and singing songs of joy and peace, oh I wish I had a river I could skate away on . . ." You and me both.
As much as I love Christmas, I feel this overwhelming sadness that always holds on even clear after New Year's. Try as I may, I keep this feeling at bay but it returns, sometimes greater, sometimes controllable. Perhaps it's the weather or lack there of that makes me feel this way, perhaps it's the general feeling around me that I am picking up on, but this feeling seems to grow and grow.
I'm tired, not just physically, but mentally and emotionally. I wish I could just let it all go and never look back again. Then I think, 'That would be the easy way out.' So, what if it is? Why can't it be easy for a change? How much more of this does one need to feel in order to know one really exists? Perhaps it is true, we allow our selves to be happy or sad, the choice is ours. Is it really?
I don't choose to be tired, but I am tired. I don't choose to be sad, but here it is. I can LIE to myself and say I am happy, but what's so wrong with being sad? Perhaps I just need a jolt in my life to wake me from this coma of melancholy and the infinite sadness in which I find myself.
Merry Christmas and a Blessed New Year
As much as I love Christmas, I feel this overwhelming sadness that always holds on even clear after New Year's. Try as I may, I keep this feeling at bay but it returns, sometimes greater, sometimes controllable. Perhaps it's the weather or lack there of that makes me feel this way, perhaps it's the general feeling around me that I am picking up on, but this feeling seems to grow and grow.
I'm tired, not just physically, but mentally and emotionally. I wish I could just let it all go and never look back again. Then I think, 'That would be the easy way out.' So, what if it is? Why can't it be easy for a change? How much more of this does one need to feel in order to know one really exists? Perhaps it is true, we allow our selves to be happy or sad, the choice is ours. Is it really?
I don't choose to be tired, but I am tired. I don't choose to be sad, but here it is. I can LIE to myself and say I am happy, but what's so wrong with being sad? Perhaps I just need a jolt in my life to wake me from this coma of melancholy and the infinite sadness in which I find myself.
Merry Christmas and a Blessed New Year
Thursday, December 4, 2008
Cycling Hypos
Well, it's been awhile since I last made an entry. Things have gotten better, I have made little changes and those changes are good! However, I have a thought. This deals with long distance relationships. Are long distance relationships worth it? Are the bumps along the way even more severe than those in a 'normal' relationship?
Speaking from a bias point of view, I believe long distance relationships are much harder than 'normal' relationships. First of all, distance is the major factor which dampens the mood of the relationship. Having to endure day after day, night after night without the other is very tiring. Secondly, trust. One must trust the other in order to make the relationship work. Personally, I trust G. But from my past relationships (yes, they were all LDR's [Long Distance Relationships]) trust was what brought them all crashing down. Not that I cheated or they cheated, it was the trust that they wouldn't cheat. Finally, physical contact between the partners leads to encounters which are mostly full of 'lust'. When the the two partners come together after being alone for so long, usually the physical aspect of the relationship takes over. I am not saying this is wrong, being apart so long it's bound to happen, but shouldn't there be a moment of self-control?
Personally, I never wanted to get into another LDR but I find myself in one. I love G very much. However, my mind is plagued by my past LDR. The manner in which it ended has eradicated any trust I once held. I don't wanna punish G over my past, but how do I allow myself to recover from my past FAILED relationship? G knows how I feel about LDRs and assures me that there is no other nor does G want another. Yet, in my synical mind, I find myself thinking and thinking and I always come to the same conclusion: I don't deserve G.
Perhaps these are moments of self-doubt and self-hate, but is there a bit of truth in my mindless thoughts? Only time and patients will tell. . .
Until next time, may sugar plum fairies and cycling hypos invade your dreams . . .
Speaking from a bias point of view, I believe long distance relationships are much harder than 'normal' relationships. First of all, distance is the major factor which dampens the mood of the relationship. Having to endure day after day, night after night without the other is very tiring. Secondly, trust. One must trust the other in order to make the relationship work. Personally, I trust G. But from my past relationships (yes, they were all LDR's [Long Distance Relationships]) trust was what brought them all crashing down. Not that I cheated or they cheated, it was the trust that they wouldn't cheat. Finally, physical contact between the partners leads to encounters which are mostly full of 'lust'. When the the two partners come together after being alone for so long, usually the physical aspect of the relationship takes over. I am not saying this is wrong, being apart so long it's bound to happen, but shouldn't there be a moment of self-control?
Personally, I never wanted to get into another LDR but I find myself in one. I love G very much. However, my mind is plagued by my past LDR. The manner in which it ended has eradicated any trust I once held. I don't wanna punish G over my past, but how do I allow myself to recover from my past FAILED relationship? G knows how I feel about LDRs and assures me that there is no other nor does G want another. Yet, in my synical mind, I find myself thinking and thinking and I always come to the same conclusion: I don't deserve G.
Perhaps these are moments of self-doubt and self-hate, but is there a bit of truth in my mindless thoughts? Only time and patients will tell. . .
Until next time, may sugar plum fairies and cycling hypos invade your dreams . . .
Thursday, November 6, 2008
Chicken soup for the soul.
Well . . . here I sit. Alone in my office for a lunch break. As I sit here waiting for my Cup O'Noodles to soften, I feel this need to write. I was struck with a thought while sitting in my vehicle outside. What change have I contributed to this life of mine? Change and hope have been said a lot these past months and though I believe we have the hope for change, the hope for change for my own life has fallen short.
I spoke of change for the country and how Obama would bring this about. Yet, I failed in my own attempts to change what matters most. Myself. All these years have been one continuous life that hasn't changed, sure my age and hairstyle have changed but the fundamentals of self, have not. I allowed myself to be sucked into this lighted abyss.
I make no promises to myself nor to you, the world. But I still find myself with one promise that I feel I need to face. The promise of a better life for myself. I haven't fulfilled my educational goals and this is the foundation on which I need to stand in order for this better life to exist. Tomorrow is a always a good excuse for the mistakes of today, but I will not allow myself that luxury.
Today, I will change from within in order to change without. I've let so many people down, but in the end I've let myself down the most. I've forgotten myself along the way. If I cry, I don't cry out of self-pity nor narcissism, but out of hope of my own destiny.
Don't wait for tomorrow, today is here and is waiting . . . waiting for change, waiting for hope.
I spoke of change for the country and how Obama would bring this about. Yet, I failed in my own attempts to change what matters most. Myself. All these years have been one continuous life that hasn't changed, sure my age and hairstyle have changed but the fundamentals of self, have not. I allowed myself to be sucked into this lighted abyss.
I make no promises to myself nor to you, the world. But I still find myself with one promise that I feel I need to face. The promise of a better life for myself. I haven't fulfilled my educational goals and this is the foundation on which I need to stand in order for this better life to exist. Tomorrow is a always a good excuse for the mistakes of today, but I will not allow myself that luxury.
Today, I will change from within in order to change without. I've let so many people down, but in the end I've let myself down the most. I've forgotten myself along the way. If I cry, I don't cry out of self-pity nor narcissism, but out of hope of my own destiny.
Don't wait for tomorrow, today is here and is waiting . . . waiting for change, waiting for hope.
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
Complacency in my vote.
As many of you know, Barak Obama has become America's 44th president of the United States of America. These long months and even years of rigorous campaigning has finally paid off. I congratulate Mr. Obama for this victory, but more importantly to the victory of our democracy. The American Dream is still alive. This has proven we are still a country of hopes and dreams.
As a Native American, Obama's victory means we finally have a president that has acknowledged our plight as well as our existence in this great country of ours. The promises he has made to 'Indian Country' was a moment we have waited more than a lifetime for. Our failing health care will finally get the much needed attention we so eagerly deserve. Treaty rights which have been abandoned by past administrations will finally be upheld. And finally, much needed funding for programs which will insure that our cultures and languages will not fade into the past. For without our culture and language, we are not a people.
For those who did not support Obama/Biden, I pray that you'll work together with everyone to ensure that our great country does not slip back into the dangerous cycle it has found itself in. For divide we fall but united we stand. Let us not forget why many flock to our shores and our cities for that ever elusive hope, the opportunity to live one's life free of governments which subject without mercy, that rule without compassion and religions which suppress. Now is the time to show the world that though we may have our differences, we are still one nation INDIVISIBLE.
Personally, I am filled with the hope which I thought burned out four years ago. My soul and my heart are full of joy and jubilation which I have not experience in such a long time, excluding meeting the love of my life. Here is to the future, here is to hope, here is to a country which has overcome its own diversity.
God Bless America and God Bless the World.
As a Native American, Obama's victory means we finally have a president that has acknowledged our plight as well as our existence in this great country of ours. The promises he has made to 'Indian Country' was a moment we have waited more than a lifetime for. Our failing health care will finally get the much needed attention we so eagerly deserve. Treaty rights which have been abandoned by past administrations will finally be upheld. And finally, much needed funding for programs which will insure that our cultures and languages will not fade into the past. For without our culture and language, we are not a people.
For those who did not support Obama/Biden, I pray that you'll work together with everyone to ensure that our great country does not slip back into the dangerous cycle it has found itself in. For divide we fall but united we stand. Let us not forget why many flock to our shores and our cities for that ever elusive hope, the opportunity to live one's life free of governments which subject without mercy, that rule without compassion and religions which suppress. Now is the time to show the world that though we may have our differences, we are still one nation INDIVISIBLE.
Personally, I am filled with the hope which I thought burned out four years ago. My soul and my heart are full of joy and jubilation which I have not experience in such a long time, excluding meeting the love of my life. Here is to the future, here is to hope, here is to a country which has overcome its own diversity.
God Bless America and God Bless the World.
Thursday, August 21, 2008
¿Uncalled for or Overly Dramatic?
Well, it's been almost 4 weeks since my last post. What's new? I started a second job at Wal-Mart as a cashier. The job isn't as hard as I thought it would be. Eric: "Hello, how are you?" Customer: "Fine thanks. You?" Eric: "I'm doing well, thank you." Beep, beep, beep . . . Eric: "Your total is blah-blah-blah" That's pretty much how my day goes (or should I say my nights).
It's a cool job, meet some interesting people, and others from the Rez that I never knew exisited. The pay is decent enough I suppose, for a second job anyway. I get home around 12 ish and fall right too sleep. The first week on the job was hell. I am not use to standing for 5+ hours. Now, I can handle it. I guess I through my body into shock.
Other than that, that's about the greast news I have . . .
Except for what happened today between myself and G. What happened can only be discribed as odd. We were talking well. We were saying how much we loved one another, etc., all that stuff couples do when they see/talk with each other. Well, somehow the conversation turned back to the Spanish Basketball team's photo (the one where they are doing slanted eyes.) G brought up the past conversation we had about the photo. Well, G started saying something new about it, how the American specktators were wearing Chinese outfights and those pointed hats, typical in all Chinese films by American producers. Well, G went on to say how what I said in the past about wearing such clothing would be more horrible than what the Spanish did in that photo.
I'm not sure what it was, but I took offense to this. First of all, I didn't mean it in the context G said it. Secondly, how dare G use what I said in a mocking manner toward me. It wasn't that G used my words against me it was that G used them jokingly, like it was nothing. Perhaps to G it was nothing, but I felt so betrayed, so disrespected and so belittled.
Even right now I feel so upset, I can't fully explain how and why I am upset. There are so many words and feelings running through my mind right now that I can't even think straight (no pun intended for those who know me.)
So, was it uncalled for or overly dramatic?
It's a cool job, meet some interesting people, and others from the Rez that I never knew exisited. The pay is decent enough I suppose, for a second job anyway. I get home around 12 ish and fall right too sleep. The first week on the job was hell. I am not use to standing for 5+ hours. Now, I can handle it. I guess I through my body into shock.
Other than that, that's about the greast news I have . . .
Except for what happened today between myself and G. What happened can only be discribed as odd. We were talking well. We were saying how much we loved one another, etc., all that stuff couples do when they see/talk with each other. Well, somehow the conversation turned back to the Spanish Basketball team's photo (the one where they are doing slanted eyes.) G brought up the past conversation we had about the photo. Well, G started saying something new about it, how the American specktators were wearing Chinese outfights and those pointed hats, typical in all Chinese films by American producers. Well, G went on to say how what I said in the past about wearing such clothing would be more horrible than what the Spanish did in that photo.
I'm not sure what it was, but I took offense to this. First of all, I didn't mean it in the context G said it. Secondly, how dare G use what I said in a mocking manner toward me. It wasn't that G used my words against me it was that G used them jokingly, like it was nothing. Perhaps to G it was nothing, but I felt so betrayed, so disrespected and so belittled.
Even right now I feel so upset, I can't fully explain how and why I am upset. There are so many words and feelings running through my mind right now that I can't even think straight (no pun intended for those who know me.)
So, was it uncalled for or overly dramatic?
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
28 years later
On July 19, 2008 was my 28th revolution around the sun. It is alarming to me the manner in which I spent my birthday. Although it was not the type of birthday I would have liked, spending time with my family was enough for me.
Perhaps it is my weird way of thinking, but if realized that the night before our birthdays is our very own New Year's Eve. For it is on this day that we began life. I began mine at 7:44 in the evening of July 19th, 1980. Born into a household of two loving parents and two older brothers.
Having a birthday in the summer, seemed to me when I was younger, a disadvantage. My point being is that in school, people's birthdays were acknowledged and the teacher observed the child's birthday by having the students sing Happy Birthday. As I look back during my time in school, I don't believe my birthday was every acknowledged. Now, as I look at things, having a birthday during the summer is better. There are a lot more things which a child is able to do. A birthday at a park, an amusement park, on the beach, camping, and so and and so forth. So, as begin this new year of mine, it is my hope that things will become better and brighter.
To help aid with my life improving, I have been talking with someone who has made me feel so special and wanted. It isn't easy to find this in the world to day. With all the skinny models and muscular studs adorning each and every magazine it is not wonder that people have time finding someone to call their own. Now, now, don't go thinking I am being preachy, I just wanted to state how easy it is to find someone if we stop allowing ourselves to be taken in by the size 2 clothes or the ripped abs of some guy. It is out there, we just have to make the effort to find it. Fate can only do so much.
Well, I guess that is enough of my jibber-jabbering. This whole blogging thing is a little new to me, so I hope it is fun as it seems. To you all out there, take care of you and yours.
God Bless!
Perhaps it is my weird way of thinking, but if realized that the night before our birthdays is our very own New Year's Eve. For it is on this day that we began life. I began mine at 7:44 in the evening of July 19th, 1980. Born into a household of two loving parents and two older brothers.
Having a birthday in the summer, seemed to me when I was younger, a disadvantage. My point being is that in school, people's birthdays were acknowledged and the teacher observed the child's birthday by having the students sing Happy Birthday. As I look back during my time in school, I don't believe my birthday was every acknowledged. Now, as I look at things, having a birthday during the summer is better. There are a lot more things which a child is able to do. A birthday at a park, an amusement park, on the beach, camping, and so and and so forth. So, as begin this new year of mine, it is my hope that things will become better and brighter.
To help aid with my life improving, I have been talking with someone who has made me feel so special and wanted. It isn't easy to find this in the world to day. With all the skinny models and muscular studs adorning each and every magazine it is not wonder that people have time finding someone to call their own. Now, now, don't go thinking I am being preachy, I just wanted to state how easy it is to find someone if we stop allowing ourselves to be taken in by the size 2 clothes or the ripped abs of some guy. It is out there, we just have to make the effort to find it. Fate can only do so much.
Well, I guess that is enough of my jibber-jabbering. This whole blogging thing is a little new to me, so I hope it is fun as it seems. To you all out there, take care of you and yours.
God Bless!
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