Not since Leona Lewis have I enjoyed a British singer more than I have when I seen Susan Boyle's performance on Britain's Got Talent. Simply amazing is all I can say for her performance. The reaction from the crowd before she sang showed just how shallow and cookie-cutter we are as a society (the world in general.) When she belted out those first notes, oh man, the reaction from the crowd, the judges, SIMPLY AMAZING!!!!!!
I got goose bumps from watching her and I felt an overwhelming sense of accomplishment and acknowledgment, not for her per-say but for all of those who were typed-cast as ugly, fat, too short, too tall, too nerdy, too 'not-the-norm'.
I truly hope she wins. If I could vote for her I totally would!
GO FOR THE GOLD SUSAN!!!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9lp0IWv8QZY
Thursday, April 16, 2009
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
To Be Or Not To Be, That Is The Question
It is my hope that writing this blog would help me clear my mind about a decision with which I've been wrestling. For the past seven months I've been in a long distance relationship (LDR) with someone from Spain. This is my forth LDR and by now one would have thought all the kinks would have been worked out. It seems the further away they are the harder it becomes to actually say I have a relationship. I am not a very physical person nor need sex to keep me happy, but what keeps a relationship alive in my eyes is nurturing the emotional side of the relationship.
We've spoken about our relationship many times and we've made progress in understanding each others mentality when it comes to sustaining our relationship. For him, it's not speaking about the future too much or talking about what we want to do with each other when we finally get that chance again. For me, it's hearing (not every day) that he still cherishes me and loves me. I don't need to be told on a daily basis but there should be some sort of acknowledgment of admiration and affection.
Perhaps in his attempt to keep loneliness at bay, he does not connect with me via the internet or phone calls. In the beginning it was reasonable and beneficial, but now it just seems like the loneliness has intensified, perhaps only on my part.
It's not only the emotional part but it's also the logical part of our relationship that has us at ends. I live in America and he lives in Spain, he is an atheist and I'm spiritual, I'm romantic he doesn't know where to begin, he's stubborn and I yield. He likes things which I don't find very interesting and vise versa. I fear that there are more differences than similarities. I believe the old saying that opposites attract only applies to magnets. We are not magnets, perhaps I attract LDR's that fail.
During our internet courtship his ex sent me an email accusing him of things and asking me to talk with him (the ex.) I believed that it was just the angry bitter ex talking but looking back, perhaps he was trying to warn me. Aside from the ex, there have been other things that have posted red flags about him. I will not go into detail about the specifics, but deep down it moved the very core of me. I felt vulnerable and manipulated.
However, there are things which he has done that makes me think, he is changing, he is making an effort to show me what he is willing to do for me. For my birthday he recorded songs that I liked and re-recorded them playing the instruments and singing them himself. He got a job in order to pay for the flight and hotels when he came and seen me. He wrote a song for me using his style of music he likes, he told me that it is hard for him to write about love but he was inspired to write it. He was willing to live here in the states but things came up that put that on hold. It's things like these that make me second guess myself about him.
There are two voices that are speaking to me, the emotional and logical. Throughout my life I've always relied on both but now, when it comes to my heart, they're tearing me apart. The logical side tells me that despite our affection for each other we would just end up breaking up, then the emotional side tells me to still have faith, believe that the love we have for each other will be enough to over come the obstacles life has presented us. I fear losing him; is it the love that makes me fear his absence, is it an emotional addiction I've gained while being with him that makes me fear the goodbye?
I'm not sure if what I did today was the smartest thing to do, but I told him that I was not going to be online for awhile. I told him that everything was fine but kept the reason why to myself.
I need to figure out if we will make it another seven months. If we could survive distance and all that it has brought us. Am I strong enough to endure the emotionless responses from him? Am I able to go through the feeling of being ignored and put on a shelf for another day?
For the first time in my life, I'm unsure of what to do. It was easy to make a decision about which school to attend, which car to buy, which friends to have, but to make a decision that will impact what I hold dear, frightens me.
How do I say good-bye?
How do I say stay?
We've spoken about our relationship many times and we've made progress in understanding each others mentality when it comes to sustaining our relationship. For him, it's not speaking about the future too much or talking about what we want to do with each other when we finally get that chance again. For me, it's hearing (not every day) that he still cherishes me and loves me. I don't need to be told on a daily basis but there should be some sort of acknowledgment of admiration and affection.
Perhaps in his attempt to keep loneliness at bay, he does not connect with me via the internet or phone calls. In the beginning it was reasonable and beneficial, but now it just seems like the loneliness has intensified, perhaps only on my part.
It's not only the emotional part but it's also the logical part of our relationship that has us at ends. I live in America and he lives in Spain, he is an atheist and I'm spiritual, I'm romantic he doesn't know where to begin, he's stubborn and I yield. He likes things which I don't find very interesting and vise versa. I fear that there are more differences than similarities. I believe the old saying that opposites attract only applies to magnets. We are not magnets, perhaps I attract LDR's that fail.
During our internet courtship his ex sent me an email accusing him of things and asking me to talk with him (the ex.) I believed that it was just the angry bitter ex talking but looking back, perhaps he was trying to warn me. Aside from the ex, there have been other things that have posted red flags about him. I will not go into detail about the specifics, but deep down it moved the very core of me. I felt vulnerable and manipulated.
However, there are things which he has done that makes me think, he is changing, he is making an effort to show me what he is willing to do for me. For my birthday he recorded songs that I liked and re-recorded them playing the instruments and singing them himself. He got a job in order to pay for the flight and hotels when he came and seen me. He wrote a song for me using his style of music he likes, he told me that it is hard for him to write about love but he was inspired to write it. He was willing to live here in the states but things came up that put that on hold. It's things like these that make me second guess myself about him.
There are two voices that are speaking to me, the emotional and logical. Throughout my life I've always relied on both but now, when it comes to my heart, they're tearing me apart. The logical side tells me that despite our affection for each other we would just end up breaking up, then the emotional side tells me to still have faith, believe that the love we have for each other will be enough to over come the obstacles life has presented us. I fear losing him; is it the love that makes me fear his absence, is it an emotional addiction I've gained while being with him that makes me fear the goodbye?
I'm not sure if what I did today was the smartest thing to do, but I told him that I was not going to be online for awhile. I told him that everything was fine but kept the reason why to myself.
I need to figure out if we will make it another seven months. If we could survive distance and all that it has brought us. Am I strong enough to endure the emotionless responses from him? Am I able to go through the feeling of being ignored and put on a shelf for another day?
For the first time in my life, I'm unsure of what to do. It was easy to make a decision about which school to attend, which car to buy, which friends to have, but to make a decision that will impact what I hold dear, frightens me.
How do I say good-bye?
How do I say stay?
April Showers
I can't believe it's the middle of April already. Although, winter has come and gone, the cold still remains. The sun comes and warms the land but the wind still has the ghostly fingers of winter upon them. The wind which blows here is harsh and at points unyielding. I can't wait until it stops and Spring can finally come.
I'm halfway through my Spring semester and it feels as though I haven't accomplished much. I suppose it's due to the fact that I haven't read much, :-P. I just can't seem to motivate myself these days. I blamed it on everything and anyone but when it comes down to it, it's just pure unadulterated laziness. I use to pride myself in my studies and how organized I use to be. As of late, things have been put on the back burner and have boiled over.
Yet, my life seems so uncomplicated. There is a slowness to rural towns that if not properly checked could overwhelm someone or better yet, underwhelm someone. Not much happens but at the same time so much could happen. I look at my life as a serious of choices. I choose to be happy, I choose to be sad, and some choices are made subconsciously. Throughout these choices it seems my mind only settles on the bad choices I've made, should I have eaten that? should I have woken up earlier? should I have flirted with him? Despite my negative mind, optimism for my future still dimly flickers.
As I write this it occurs to me that I spend too much time worrying about love and the love that I have. Should I not be happy that I have a person in my life that loves me for me? Who hasn't asked me to change to fit some mold of the perfect Adonis in his mind. I think I should be happy and elated. I am, it's just distance is taking it's toll on me. Do I seek out LDR's so I wouldn't have to face the realities of actually having a relationship? Perhaps, the question I should be asking is why am I still bitching?
Well, I shall leave you all here for now. But, before I do, I'd like to share with you a poem I had written about 3 years ago.
You
I give you my heart,
a place to start.
I give you my eyes,
no time for lies.
I even give you my tears,
drowning all my fears.
but don’t ever leave me here,
tell me you’ll always be near.
You are the sun,
we’ve just begun.
You are the rain,
no longer in pain.
You are even the seas,
even a light breeze.
but don’t ever leave me alone,
here to face the unknown.
I give you all of me,
one place you’ll always be.
I give you the stars above,
you are my true love.
I even give you my soul,
condemned to your control.
By Eric D. Spitty
I'm halfway through my Spring semester and it feels as though I haven't accomplished much. I suppose it's due to the fact that I haven't read much, :-P. I just can't seem to motivate myself these days. I blamed it on everything and anyone but when it comes down to it, it's just pure unadulterated laziness. I use to pride myself in my studies and how organized I use to be. As of late, things have been put on the back burner and have boiled over.
Yet, my life seems so uncomplicated. There is a slowness to rural towns that if not properly checked could overwhelm someone or better yet, underwhelm someone. Not much happens but at the same time so much could happen. I look at my life as a serious of choices. I choose to be happy, I choose to be sad, and some choices are made subconsciously. Throughout these choices it seems my mind only settles on the bad choices I've made, should I have eaten that? should I have woken up earlier? should I have flirted with him? Despite my negative mind, optimism for my future still dimly flickers.
As I write this it occurs to me that I spend too much time worrying about love and the love that I have. Should I not be happy that I have a person in my life that loves me for me? Who hasn't asked me to change to fit some mold of the perfect Adonis in his mind. I think I should be happy and elated. I am, it's just distance is taking it's toll on me. Do I seek out LDR's so I wouldn't have to face the realities of actually having a relationship? Perhaps, the question I should be asking is why am I still bitching?
Well, I shall leave you all here for now. But, before I do, I'd like to share with you a poem I had written about 3 years ago.
You
I give you my heart,
a place to start.
I give you my eyes,
no time for lies.
I even give you my tears,
drowning all my fears.
but don’t ever leave me here,
tell me you’ll always be near.
You are the sun,
we’ve just begun.
You are the rain,
no longer in pain.
You are even the seas,
even a light breeze.
but don’t ever leave me alone,
here to face the unknown.
I give you all of me,
one place you’ll always be.
I give you the stars above,
you are my true love.
I even give you my soul,
condemned to your control.
By Eric D. Spitty
Thursday, April 2, 2009
Our Forever
Here is a poem that I have written for my boyfriend. Let me know what you all think of it.
Our Forever
A new day dawns without you,
Deep inside I die.
Another hour leaves me untrue,
Living another lie.
I don't recognize my reflection,
Without you by my side.
I don't feel our connection,
The truth I cannot hide.
The withered rose of September,
Displayed on my wall.
Do you miss me at all?
Your departure I still remember.
Who knew across the sea,
Love would find me?
A foreign voice a foreign touch,
Nothing I've wanted so much.
I feel myself slipping away,
Fumbling and stumbling.
I feel myself losing my way,
Falling and crawling.
The darkness embraces me,
I've lost this fight.
I miss you tonight.
An empty voice chases me.
Another lonely moon rises,
So dark so blue.
Will I ever find solace?
Will I ever find you?
My candle burns, my candle lights,
A deep and unyielding night.
My fingers tremble, my fingers ache,
There is so much at stake.
Another dawn breaks,
No more heartache.
Another hour, another chance,
I still feel your glance.
In my own reflection,
My own connection.
I don't need to hide,
What I feel inside.
A withered rose,
Not a withered memory.
Two immortal souls,
Together on this journey.
An ocean apart,
Together in one heart.
A foreign embrace,
A familiar face.
Slipping into ecstasy,
Fumbling and stumbling.
Lost in this fantasy,
Falling and crawling.
Darkness around me,
Warm in your light.
I'm with you tonight.
Your love surrounds me.
The lonely moon disappears,
Behind mountains of blue.
Finally my solace appears,
'cause I finally found you.
Now in the flickering candle light,
I sleep with you tonight.
So give me your finger,
Give me our forever.
By Eric D. Spitty
Our Forever
A new day dawns without you,
Deep inside I die.
Another hour leaves me untrue,
Living another lie.
I don't recognize my reflection,
Without you by my side.
I don't feel our connection,
The truth I cannot hide.
The withered rose of September,
Displayed on my wall.
Do you miss me at all?
Your departure I still remember.
Who knew across the sea,
Love would find me?
A foreign voice a foreign touch,
Nothing I've wanted so much.
I feel myself slipping away,
Fumbling and stumbling.
I feel myself losing my way,
Falling and crawling.
The darkness embraces me,
I've lost this fight.
I miss you tonight.
An empty voice chases me.
Another lonely moon rises,
So dark so blue.
Will I ever find solace?
Will I ever find you?
My candle burns, my candle lights,
A deep and unyielding night.
My fingers tremble, my fingers ache,
There is so much at stake.
Another dawn breaks,
No more heartache.
Another hour, another chance,
I still feel your glance.
In my own reflection,
My own connection.
I don't need to hide,
What I feel inside.
A withered rose,
Not a withered memory.
Two immortal souls,
Together on this journey.
An ocean apart,
Together in one heart.
A foreign embrace,
A familiar face.
Slipping into ecstasy,
Fumbling and stumbling.
Lost in this fantasy,
Falling and crawling.
Darkness around me,
Warm in your light.
I'm with you tonight.
Your love surrounds me.
The lonely moon disappears,
Behind mountains of blue.
Finally my solace appears,
'cause I finally found you.
Now in the flickering candle light,
I sleep with you tonight.
So give me your finger,
Give me our forever.
By Eric D. Spitty
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