April Showers

I can't believe it's the middle of April already. Although, winter has come and gone, the cold still remains. The sun comes and warms the land but the wind still has the ghostly fingers of winter upon them. The wind which blows here is harsh and at points unyielding. I can't wait until it stops and Spring can finally come.

I'm halfway through my Spring semester and it feels as though I haven't accomplished much. I suppose it's due to the fact that I haven't read much, :-P. I just can't seem to motivate myself these days. I blamed it on everything and anyone but when it comes down to it, it's just pure unadulterated laziness. I use to pride myself in my studies and how organized I use to be. As of late, things have been put on the back burner and have boiled over.

Yet, my life seems so uncomplicated. There is a slowness to rural towns that if not properly checked could overwhelm someone or better yet, underwhelm someone. Not much happens but at the same time so much could happen. I look at my life as a serious of choices. I choose to be happy, I choose to be sad, and some choices are made subconsciously. Throughout these choices it seems my mind only settles on the bad choices I've made, should I have eaten that? should I have woken up earlier? should I have flirted with him? Despite my negative mind, optimism for my future still dimly flickers.

As I write this it occurs to me that I spend too much time worrying about love and the love that I have. Should I not be happy that I have a person in my life that loves me for me? Who hasn't asked me to change to fit some mold of the perfect Adonis in his mind. I think I should be happy and elated. I am, it's just distance is taking it's toll on me. Do I seek out LDR's so I wouldn't have to face the realities of actually having a relationship? Perhaps, the question I should be asking is why am I still bitching?

Well, I shall leave you all here for now. But, before I do, I'd like to share with you a poem I had written about 3 years ago.

You

I give you my heart,
a place to start.
I give you my eyes,
no time for lies.
I even give you my tears,
drowning all my fears.

but don’t ever leave me here,
tell me you’ll always be near.

You are the sun,
we’ve just begun.
You are the rain,
no longer in pain.
You are even the seas,
even a light breeze.

but don’t ever leave me alone,
here to face the unknown.

I give you all of me,
one place you’ll always be.
I give you the stars above,
you are my true love.
I even give you my soul,
condemned to your control.

By Eric D. Spitty