Well, it's been over 2 months since my break-up and things seem to be getting better. I haven't cried for him for some time now. I'm still not sure I am ready to talk to him. Last night I had a dream about him. In this dream we were at my parents' house and everyone seemed to accept him. My mother was introducing him as "my friend from Spain." By friend I'm sure she meant "boyfriend." But I digress, we seemed so happy again, like the break-up didn't happen. We came to my room and we laid on the bed, just staring at the ceiling and talking and laughing, caressing each other, tickling each other, all the lovely things couples do when in bed. Then I got up to go wash my face but the scene changed. All of a sudden we were at my sister-in-law's mother's house. I went to the bathtub and turned on the water and knelt on the side of the tub to wash my face. As I was reaching over to get the water I fill into the tub and was soaked by the water. I came back to the room and changed my clothes. I laid down beside him again and then my sister-in-law's brother came into the room 'looking for something.' I got the feeling that he was just checking in on us (Which is weird because my sister-in-law's family is Christian.) Then I looked toward a glass door and there were kids standing there looking in at us. That is when I woke up . . .
When I woke up I thought to myself 'Why did I dream about him? What is my subconscious trying to tell me?' I would love to think that it meant that we would end up back together, but that is just an over exaggerated wish. I don't know what it is but when I think of he and I, there is this dreaded feeling, like he has moved on and I became nothing more than a whisper in the wind. I don't feel like there is a future for us.
Perhaps I took this 'time off' from him too long and have hardened my heart to him. There is still apart of me that longs for his arms to embrace my body and to cover me with his warmth. There is even a greater part of my heart that craves the feelings he gave me whenever he smiled at me, whenever he would call and say "Hello baby?" Oh how my ears miss the sound of his accented voice. Perhaps my ego has buried my chance for redemption and tucked away a future I wished to live.
Whatever the case maybe, whatever the path is laid before me, I am ready. Ready for what? Ready to start learning about myself. Ready to start this journey of self. I know not the correct paths nor the people I may meet along the way, but what I do know is that the love I carry with me will not perish because I still believe in love. Although love hurts and has caused many scars, love has the unbelievable power to heal each one. Isn't Love amazing? Isn't it awEsome!
Y si por casualidad lees este, quiero que sepas que yo sí que te extraño y que pienso en ti. Como te dije antes I.F.L.Y, nunca olvides.
Ciao
No comments:
Post a Comment