Freedom

Haven't you ever felt like a loser? I mean, life's going so good then there's someone or something that reminds you, "HEY! You aren't in Kansas anymore." Well, I think through the days that brought me here, a single act of stupidity on my behalf, has shown me such a case.

Eric, a sole soul spinning along with other mortal souls on this speck of dust. He's nothing abnormal. Appearing human in form. Yet, the internal conflicts much like the writers of old. Love and peace, unknown fortunes and past misfortunes. Eric, an unknown soul among millions, billions.

Yes, I've felt empty and out of place. People have given me reason to doubt what I believe and my beliefs have given me reason to doubt the people I believe. This world is full of doubt and always lacking faith. I've always believed in a higher power. Someone there to guide me to where I am. Someone who has always been there who knows me better than I. Yet, the doubt the world causes me to see, to pick like a scab, has brought me to disbelief.

One immeasurable truth was love. IS LOVE. Yet, deep down, I feel this love has been extinguished. The vapors of what I had have slowly dissipated into the nothingness of yesterday.

The true love I felt I love isn't the love I thought I needed. I pretended for hopes sake and believed for my own loves sake. Yet, I allowed myself to believe the love was true and everlasting. Now I see. I believed so much in the faith of love that I believed the hope I hoped.

Was my love true? Yes it was. Was his? I have no clue. I've just had enough of pretending. Of allowing my heart and soul to wait for someone and something. I shouldn't have to teach someone to love me how I need to be loved nor should I be taught. I loved him because he was handsome and kind. I looked past the wayward eyes, the monolithic brute show of utter concealment and belief what wasn't there. Even now my eyes want to shed tears for someone who didn't know how to love me.

It's always hard to say when we've made mistakes and it's always hard to admit our wrongs. I've always believed in a love everlasting. A love that was meant for me. I know this to be false. I know this falsehood to be true.

I'm ready to release it all. Release what I held on to. To whom I held on. Freedom. Joy. Happiness. Emotions you deserved. That you will obtain.

Well, after tonight, I'm unsure where my belief in love will take me but I still have a faith in that one TRUE person who will know how to love me without songs, words, hints and advices.

So, until then. Here I am.

-Eric.