A Day in Your Life
I’m so tired of waiting for you
to give me what you always promise me
in shadows expecting something true
while all my fears you’d set free.
The sky clouds over
and the stars burn out
Fear condemns every lover
and sorrow brings doubt
because living a day in your life
is living life in dark shadows
cutting through despair with a knife
finding under my skin all sorrows
I am fed up with all this crying
all of it drying out my eyes
although without you I’m dying
I’m here remembering your lies
Let all the songs become echoes
and let all the mistakes be made
Let the rain fall into puddles
and let all the memories fade.
because to live a day in your life
is like counting the sands
living day to day with strife
just wanting a touch of your hands.
Saturday, January 31, 2009
A Day In Your Life
I was looking through my old 'poems/songs' and I came across this. I wrote this back in 2005. Seems like so long ago.
Thursday, January 29, 2009
"Lo Que Es Amar . . ." What It Is To Love
'Antología' by Shakira just played and that was the last lyric of her song. No, no, no, I'm not going to go into the psychological aspects of the song, but merely, the need for people to want to know what love is. Love is a beautiful thing that is contradictory in and of itself.
For where else does one love and hate at the same time? Love someone so much that you hate to let them go. Or where tears and dread are a part of love? Love is amazing, when you've been touched by love. However, there are types of love and some are interchangeable but nevertheless there are types.
Love even goes so far as to let the one you love, live their life without you. Yes, this love is one of the greatest. This is when one realizes that the love between the two partners has changed. It's time to allow each other the opportunity to find love once more. Although, this may sound psychotic, it is a necessity if one wishes to live with peace and be able to truly love in the future.
Now, there are loves which transcend space and time. No words or the feeling of skin need be present, the love is felt deep within, warming the body, feeding any hunger. This type of love is what is called 'true love.' Although, some may disagree with me, it is my interpretation of true love.
Oh, look at me, talking about the psychological aspects of love. Well, I guess I can't help it. I'm a student of love.
Despite the heartache love causes there are many people that seek love again. The yearning for that feeling is stronger than the pain love caused. Then why is it that once we do find this love once more, the pain resurfaces? Much to our dismay, the pain could kill the new relationship even before it got a chance to crawl.
The trick I found is to embrace this pain. Don't try to suppress it. This pain lives for a reason, as does everything else in our lives. The purpose, I feel, is to allow us to learn, to grow into the person we are suppose to be.
Okay, we are venturing off into another tangent, 'who are we suppose to be?' All in due time my weary travelers. In due time.
Pain, for some, is what they seek. Masochists, if you may, feed upon this pain. But are we not all masochists in one way or another? For if not, then why do we seek love after it has caused so much pain? Some argue, it is because we seek something more than the pain.
Love is a cycle. And depending on which part we encounter this cycle, we won't know where we are at on this cycle. For some, they are lucky enough to encounter this cycle at the beginning (if it's a cycle, then where is the beginning?). This beginning is when we meet someone. There is a spark deep inside. It isn't a spark of lust, it's a spark of desire. Desire to know more of this person, to know their definition of love, perhaps it's something even more subtle. Whatever the reason, the beginning plays an important part of one's own love cycle. The very lucky find their 'true love.' Then there are the others, like myself, who enter the cycle half way through. This entrance is the gateway to how our relationships will become. Another cycle begins tangently to the cycle of love. This new cycle is our own.
I believe I will end here for the time being. It is late and I have work in the morning. But I leave you with one thought to ponder: 'Where did I begin on this cycle or have I even began?'
Okay, okay, it's two questions in one sentence, but nevertheless, 'Where have you begun or have you even begun?'
For where else does one love and hate at the same time? Love someone so much that you hate to let them go. Or where tears and dread are a part of love? Love is amazing, when you've been touched by love. However, there are types of love and some are interchangeable but nevertheless there are types.
Love even goes so far as to let the one you love, live their life without you. Yes, this love is one of the greatest. This is when one realizes that the love between the two partners has changed. It's time to allow each other the opportunity to find love once more. Although, this may sound psychotic, it is a necessity if one wishes to live with peace and be able to truly love in the future.
Now, there are loves which transcend space and time. No words or the feeling of skin need be present, the love is felt deep within, warming the body, feeding any hunger. This type of love is what is called 'true love.' Although, some may disagree with me, it is my interpretation of true love.
Oh, look at me, talking about the psychological aspects of love. Well, I guess I can't help it. I'm a student of love.
Despite the heartache love causes there are many people that seek love again. The yearning for that feeling is stronger than the pain love caused. Then why is it that once we do find this love once more, the pain resurfaces? Much to our dismay, the pain could kill the new relationship even before it got a chance to crawl.
The trick I found is to embrace this pain. Don't try to suppress it. This pain lives for a reason, as does everything else in our lives. The purpose, I feel, is to allow us to learn, to grow into the person we are suppose to be.
Okay, we are venturing off into another tangent, 'who are we suppose to be?' All in due time my weary travelers. In due time.
Pain, for some, is what they seek. Masochists, if you may, feed upon this pain. But are we not all masochists in one way or another? For if not, then why do we seek love after it has caused so much pain? Some argue, it is because we seek something more than the pain.
Love is a cycle. And depending on which part we encounter this cycle, we won't know where we are at on this cycle. For some, they are lucky enough to encounter this cycle at the beginning (if it's a cycle, then where is the beginning?). This beginning is when we meet someone. There is a spark deep inside. It isn't a spark of lust, it's a spark of desire. Desire to know more of this person, to know their definition of love, perhaps it's something even more subtle. Whatever the reason, the beginning plays an important part of one's own love cycle. The very lucky find their 'true love.' Then there are the others, like myself, who enter the cycle half way through. This entrance is the gateway to how our relationships will become. Another cycle begins tangently to the cycle of love. This new cycle is our own.
I believe I will end here for the time being. It is late and I have work in the morning. But I leave you with one thought to ponder: 'Where did I begin on this cycle or have I even began?'
Okay, okay, it's two questions in one sentence, but nevertheless, 'Where have you begun or have you even begun?'
Thursday, January 22, 2009
Love in the Time of Blogs Vol. 2
Someone once said "It is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all." While this is true, it says nothing about the heartache which is left. Perhaps the author of this quote wanted us to come to our own conclusions regarding dealing with grief after a failed relationship.
As of late, I've been contemplating my relationship with G. As posted in Vol. 1, the question of if I am in love with G went unanswered. It's hard for me to answer this question because I am not sure if the answer is based on emotion or facts. Perhaps, the answer needs to be a combination of both. If that's the case, then which emotions and facts do I allow to help me decide the fate of our relationship?
My past three relationships I have been the one who ended the relationship. In those relationships, the emotional connection was lost. I felt so betrayed. I am a person that does not need a lot of physical affection to be happy, but what I do need is the deep inner connection to the person. A simple email of "Thinking about you. I love you." would brighten my day, or even what G and I do, we 'miss-call' one another and that means "Thinking about you/I love you." As of late, those miss-calls have all but ceased.
Perhaps our greatest enemy in our saga is distance. If I have failed to mention, we are in a Long Distance Relationship. Distance is a true test as to whether we are strong enough as a couple to endure and not give into temptations and loneliness. In the end, distance should be our ally. Meaning, it was the thing which brought us closer together. Instead, these past few days distance has dealt us a blow. I have been feeling like our connection has been lost. I miss G, not just physically but emotionally. It's like an absence of a person who is sitting next to you but miles away. I feel we both lost our way and distance was the culprit.
The things which are uncommon between us are things which can easily be cured. We can learn to love or at the very least, appreciate his music and view points.
In the end, our love for each other will help us over come and fill this void that has grown between us.
"If LOVE is not your foundation, Hurt and Fear will conquer all."
As of late, I've been contemplating my relationship with G. As posted in Vol. 1, the question of if I am in love with G went unanswered. It's hard for me to answer this question because I am not sure if the answer is based on emotion or facts. Perhaps, the answer needs to be a combination of both. If that's the case, then which emotions and facts do I allow to help me decide the fate of our relationship?
My past three relationships I have been the one who ended the relationship. In those relationships, the emotional connection was lost. I felt so betrayed. I am a person that does not need a lot of physical affection to be happy, but what I do need is the deep inner connection to the person. A simple email of "Thinking about you. I love you." would brighten my day, or even what G and I do, we 'miss-call' one another and that means "Thinking about you/I love you." As of late, those miss-calls have all but ceased.
Perhaps our greatest enemy in our saga is distance. If I have failed to mention, we are in a Long Distance Relationship. Distance is a true test as to whether we are strong enough as a couple to endure and not give into temptations and loneliness. In the end, distance should be our ally. Meaning, it was the thing which brought us closer together. Instead, these past few days distance has dealt us a blow. I have been feeling like our connection has been lost. I miss G, not just physically but emotionally. It's like an absence of a person who is sitting next to you but miles away. I feel we both lost our way and distance was the culprit.
The things which are uncommon between us are things which can easily be cured. We can learn to love or at the very least, appreciate his music and view points.
In the end, our love for each other will help us over come and fill this void that has grown between us.
"If LOVE is not your foundation, Hurt and Fear will conquer all."
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Hope
Here I find myself in an utter state of joyfulness and hope which has enveloped our nation. I haven't been so proud to be an American than today. It is a time for not only a national change but personal changes.
I am not a big fan of making resolutions and promises, but this momentous historic event has stirred something deep inside me. I no longer want to live on the side lines of my life. For far too long have I allowed my life to run on auto-pilot. It's time I take the wheel and drive my own life to the destination I want, not one to which I am blindly driven.
It is my hope that we all find the courage inside ourselves to make a change in our lives, communities and in our families, to become closer, to love as a child, without cause and a blindness to the color of each individual.
May God bless each nation of the world.
I am not a big fan of making resolutions and promises, but this momentous historic event has stirred something deep inside me. I no longer want to live on the side lines of my life. For far too long have I allowed my life to run on auto-pilot. It's time I take the wheel and drive my own life to the destination I want, not one to which I am blindly driven.
It is my hope that we all find the courage inside ourselves to make a change in our lives, communities and in our families, to become closer, to love as a child, without cause and a blindness to the color of each individual.
May God bless each nation of the world.
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
2009 . . .
Hello World:
2009 has begun and unfortunately for me, it began with a death in my family. What a devastating blow to the hope and optimism I had for this coming year. My cousin passed away January 6, 2009. It was so hard to let him go. I still can't believe he is gone. I miss him, I miss his laugh, his jokes, they were so funny. He brought laughter into our home. He'd always makes me laugh, even just hearing him laugh would make you wanna laugh, even if you're having a bad day.
He lived with us for the past 6 months and I've gotten to know him even more during this time. Our birthdays were two days apart. I always remembered him on his birthday because of that fact. Even as I write this, it still seems impossible to not see him tomorrow. Getting ready to go to work. Smelling the breakfast he'd be cookin'.
He was a good man, a good father, brother, uncle, grandfather and friend.
Shilh hnzhuu shi kis'
2009 has begun and unfortunately for me, it began with a death in my family. What a devastating blow to the hope and optimism I had for this coming year. My cousin passed away January 6, 2009. It was so hard to let him go. I still can't believe he is gone. I miss him, I miss his laugh, his jokes, they were so funny. He brought laughter into our home. He'd always makes me laugh, even just hearing him laugh would make you wanna laugh, even if you're having a bad day.
He lived with us for the past 6 months and I've gotten to know him even more during this time. Our birthdays were two days apart. I always remembered him on his birthday because of that fact. Even as I write this, it still seems impossible to not see him tomorrow. Getting ready to go to work. Smelling the breakfast he'd be cookin'.
He was a good man, a good father, brother, uncle, grandfather and friend.
Shilh hnzhuu shi kis'
Monday, January 5, 2009
Love in the Time of Blogs Vol. 1
This past weekend G and I were IMing and I came across a thought; "How do I know I love G?" Then things like G understands me, G is a good kisser, G is sexy as hell, but then I thought, what about the things that are not good? I dare not list those here, but it seemed that the things which are uncommon between us out weight what we have in common.
Does this lack of commonality mean we are not meant for each other, or is every relationship the same? In almost every aspect of our lives are we different. Musical tastes, movies, political views, spiritual views, nationalities, views on romance, and finances. Are these things which can be over looked, are these things which can easily be incorporated into our relationship to help us grow stronger?
Furthermore, am I in love or am I settling? Am I being fair to G? Am I being fair to me? There are so many questions but the answers I probably don't wanna hear.
During this new year, is it possible to have this relationship and find who I am at the same time? What if I find that I am not the one for G or G is not the one for me? What will it prove? No matter what this year brings, I know I love G.
How do I know I love G? A simple sigh could bring me out of the deepest abyss. A simple laugh could brighten the darkest day. A fight which I usually cause, ends with I.F.L.Y. a few moments later. Every second is filled with a thought about G. My dreams are plagued with visions of a life together, away from prying eyes, and impossible situations between friends and family.
Though, a thought remains, still lingers in the depths of my cluttered mind. 'Am I truly, honestly, in love?' This is probably the stupidest thing with which to compare, but in movies and in literature, they seem to know the moment they fall in love with the other. So the thought that lingers is left unanswered. Not because it doesn't exist but because I'm afraid it isn't the best example of 'when I knew.'
Perhaps, that's the greatest riddle of all, we truly never know until it is gone.
"Moriré y lloraré sin ti . . ." A song which was just playing. Translated: 'I will die and I'll cry without you'
Does this lack of commonality mean we are not meant for each other, or is every relationship the same? In almost every aspect of our lives are we different. Musical tastes, movies, political views, spiritual views, nationalities, views on romance, and finances. Are these things which can be over looked, are these things which can easily be incorporated into our relationship to help us grow stronger?
Furthermore, am I in love or am I settling? Am I being fair to G? Am I being fair to me? There are so many questions but the answers I probably don't wanna hear.
During this new year, is it possible to have this relationship and find who I am at the same time? What if I find that I am not the one for G or G is not the one for me? What will it prove? No matter what this year brings, I know I love G.
How do I know I love G? A simple sigh could bring me out of the deepest abyss. A simple laugh could brighten the darkest day. A fight which I usually cause, ends with I.F.L.Y. a few moments later. Every second is filled with a thought about G. My dreams are plagued with visions of a life together, away from prying eyes, and impossible situations between friends and family.
Though, a thought remains, still lingers in the depths of my cluttered mind. 'Am I truly, honestly, in love?' This is probably the stupidest thing with which to compare, but in movies and in literature, they seem to know the moment they fall in love with the other. So the thought that lingers is left unanswered. Not because it doesn't exist but because I'm afraid it isn't the best example of 'when I knew.'
Perhaps, that's the greatest riddle of all, we truly never know until it is gone.
"Moriré y lloraré sin ti . . ." A song which was just playing. Translated: 'I will die and I'll cry without you'
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