Lately, I've had this mental block. I've only written one poem and there are others that want to be born, I feel it. But this block won't let them be born. I don't want to force it to come because that's the worst thing you can do when it comes to creative writing.
Perhaps, I need to write in this blog and get my mind free and clear. There are a few changes in my life as of late. I've paid off a lot of my debt and it feels so good to have erased that from my life. There isn't a dark cloud looming over head. Debt is such an odd thing; how it's able to affect us mentally. Now that I'm free of it, I honestly feel better and enjoy life more. The other thing that has changed is I'm no longer in a LDR with Erik, officially. Things were just too hard. We'd argue over little things and threaten to break it off so many times. What was different this time? Well, I just felt he didn't understand who I am. I know I'm a very difficult person to have as a partner; I'm overly sensitive (I've been told), I don't say what I want to say, I overreact and the list could go on and on. But! But there's also good traits, I believe, which make up for all the negative. I'm kind and generous with what I have, I'm always optimistic, about everything, a hopeless romantic who still believes in love, although I've been burned so many times, I give people the benefit of the doubt. Perhaps, Erik was meant to be a friend and we tried to push this relationship on each other because we were lonely. I don't doubt the love I felt for him and still feel for him but as individuals, we were not the compatible pieces of the jigsaw puzzle of life. He'll always be a special part of my life and I'm glad we are still friends.
Reciently, a friend I've known for awhile shared a song with me: A Te by Jovanotti:
It's such a great song and the lyrics, the life of songs, are so beautifully written. He told me "Someday, when I meet that special someone, this is the song I want to dedicate to him." After reading the translation, I understood what he meant.
With Valentine's Day approaching, it's easy to get caught up in the capitalistic side of the holiday, but the idea of a day that a group of people share in solidarity for love, is an idea I can support. Here is another song I really like. It's called "Make You Feel My Love" covered by Adele:
As cynical as I can be, I never lose faith that I will find a love that was meant for me. All my past relationships have been blessings to me and I'm thankful for them all because without them I wouldn't have learned the lessons I needed to learn.
When the time's right, I'll be ready and willing to share this love I have to offer. I know someday one of these frogs will turn into the partner I've been searching for.
Until that day arrives . . .
